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stevenl's Blog
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This is a blog about language—word and phrase origins, grammar and punctuation, writing tips, language use, misuse and abuse, as well as words in general. Brought to you by an expatriate instructor of English. It is concerned with mainly English, as well as the way English interacts with other languages.
Archive >> August 2007

Aug 10
2007

The Impotence of Proofreading

Posted by stevenl in Copyediting

New York performance poet Taylor Mali, measures his life in a variety of ways: He has five years of experience as a professional spoken word artist; he has one book, one DVD, and three cds; for 10 months, he was the official voice of Burger King; he was a national poetry slam champion four times; three times he appeared on the HBO original series "Russell Simmons Presents Def Poetry".

For nine years he taught college, high school, and middle school; and once, in a single SCRABBLE game, he earned a score of 581; but MOST IMPORTANTLY OF ALL, after hearing his work, 118 people have told him they will now become teachers.

Check him on youtube reading the 'Impotence of Proofreading'.

Has this ever happened to you?
You work very, very horde on a paper for English clash
And still get a very glow raid (like a D or even a D=)
and all because you are the liverwurst spoiler in the whale wide word
Yes, Proofreading your peppers is a matter of the the utmost impotence.

This is a problem that affects manly, manly students all over the word.
I myself was such a bed spiller once upon a term
that my English torturer in my sophomoric year,
Mrs. Myth, she said I would never get into a good colleague.
And that¹s all I wanted, that's all any kid wants at that age
just to get into a good colleague.
Not just anal community colleague,
because I wouldn¹t be happy at just anal community colleague.

I really need to be challenged, challenged menstrually
I needed a place that would offer me intellectual simulation,
I know this makes me sound like a stereo,
but I really wanted to go to an ivory legal colleague.
So if I did not improvement
or gone would be my dream of going to Harvard, Jail, or Prison
(in Prison, New Jersey).

So I got myself a spell checker
and figured I was on Sleazy Street.

But there are several missed aches
that a spell chukker can¹t can¹t catch catch.
For instant, if you accidentally leave out word
your spell exchequer won¹t put it in you.
And God for billing purposes only
you should have serial problems with Tori Spelling
your spell Chekhov might replace a word
with one you had absolutely no detention of using.

Because what do you want it to douch?
It only does what you tell it to douche.
You¹re the one with your hand on the mouth going clit, clit, clit.
It just goes to show you how embargo
one careless little clit of the mouth can be.

Which reminds me of this one time during my Junior Mint.
The teacher took the paper that I had written on A Sale of Two Titties
No I'm cereal, I am cereal
she read it out loud in front of all of my assmates.
It was the most humidifying experience of my life,
being laughed at pubically.

So do yourself a flavor and follow these two Pisces of advice:
One: There is no prostitute for careful editing.
And three: When it comes to proofreading,
the red penis your friend.

Spank you

New York performance poet Taylor Mali, measures his life in a variety of ways: He has five years of experience as a professional spoken word artist; he has one book, one DVD, and three cds; for 10 months, he was the official voice of Burger King; he was a national poetry slam champion four times; three times he appeared on the HBO original series "Russell Simmons Presents Def Poetry"; for nine years he taught college, high school, and middle school; and once, in a single SCRABBLE game, he earned a score of 581; but MOST IMPORTANTLY OF ALL, after hearing his work, 118 people have told him they will now become teachers. Please help me welcome the man who wants to create one thousand new teachers, Taylor Mali."

Aug 02
2007

100 Words Almost Everyone Confuses

Posted by stevenl in GrammarCopyediting

When people confuse the following, it makes me nauseated.  If you're nauseated, it means you're feeling sick. If you're nauseous, it means you're making others sick (causing nausea in others).

I hear people say "I'm feeling nauseous," and I think to myself "please stay away from me, I don't want to become nauseated."

Check out the list of my pet peeves:

  • adverse / averse
  • affect / effect
  • aggravate
  • alleged
  • all right
  • altogether
  • among / between
  • assure / ensure / insure
  • auger / augur
  • average / median
  • blatant / flagrant
  • capital / capitol
  • complement / compliment
  • comprise
  • consul / council / counsel
  • convince / persuade
  • discreet / discrete
  • disinterested / uninterested
  • enervate
  • enormity / enormousness
  • factoid
  • fewer/ less
  • flammable / inflammable
  • flaunt / flout
  • forte
  • gender / sex
  • hopefully
  • impact
  • impeach
  • imply / infer
  • incredible / incredulous
  • irony
  • irregardless
  • its / it's
  • kudos
  • lay / lie
  • leave / let
  • literally
  • mass / weight
  • mean
  • mischievous
  • nuclear
  • parameter
  • penultimate
  • peruse
  • phenomenon
  • plus
  • precipitate / precipitous
  • prescribe / proscribe
  • presently
  • principal / principle
  • renown
  • reticent
  • sacrilegious
  • seasonable / seasonal
  • sensual / sensuous
  • set / sit
  • that / which
  • unexceptionable / unexceptional
  • unique
  • utilize / use
  • wherefore
  • wreak / wreck
  •  zoology

Reminds me of the Al Yankovic song:

Except she was always using the word "infer"
When she obviously meant "imply"
And I know that somw guys can put up with that kinda thing
But frankly, I can't imagine why

And I told her, I said "Hey"
Are we playin' horseshoes, honey?
No I don't think we are
You're close (close) but no cigar

Anyway, anybody here have any pet peeves regarding commonly confused words?


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